she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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