I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You were trust falling into bushes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
