I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
