Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
