I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
