I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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