shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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