how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
