There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
