you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
