There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im six kinds of drunk right now
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
