brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
