I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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