he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
