whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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