I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
