True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
