Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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