Your dad touched me again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
