I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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