You made me cry and you don't even care
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
