If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
