Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
