I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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