he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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