you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Randomize
