my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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