Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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