you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
