Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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