what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
