24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
