He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
