its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
