No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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