Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
