I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My bed smells like the plague
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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