I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
