I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
did i walk over a car last night?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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