Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
