im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
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