I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
