Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
