please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
