I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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