my mouth tastes like poor choices
wanna go halves on a baby?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
