12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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