I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
