U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
