i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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