dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
