My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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