I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
