my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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