You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
