Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
