I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
